Month: February 2016
Pride And Prejudice And Zombies Review
“19th Century England is on the brink of being overrun by the zombie apocalypse, but all this pales in comparison to a love story about a lady who can fight, a Colonel with an unwavering sense of pride and a solider with a nefarious mystery about him. Just goes to show, theres always time to worry about wearing frocks and getting married whilst in the middle of a Zombie outbreak…”
Well a good day or evening to all you fine lords and ladies out there traversing the cinemas. I am his lordship, ‘The Matt Who Gives You Thy Review’ (ooo i could get used to that title, lolz), here to present to you my opinion on todays movie in question regarding Hollywood’s Zombie Apocalypse craze; ‘Pride And Prejudice And Zombies’. Is this a title worthy to be held among the greats in the Zombie movie catalogue, or is this a marriage of ideas that just doesn’t unite well with each other? Lets not keep our ladies and gents in suspense, grab the nearest weapon/pointy object as we dare to venture forthwith,,,
“Its 19th century England and the country is ravished by an invasion of zombies, forcing the country to build a gigantic wall & moat around the city of London to keep the horde of the undead out. There are some wealthy & brave enough to live beyond the wall, such a family as that of the Bennets whose five daughters have all been trained in the Chinese arts of weaponry and martial arts. The mother Mrs Bennet (Sally Phillips) wants her daughters to be married to wealthy suitors and her hopes come true in the form of a young lord of a wealthy family named Mr Bingley (Douglas Booth), who takes an interest in the daughter Jane (Bella Heathcole) at a ball they go to. At this same ball the young yet tight lipped Colonel Mr Darcy (Sam Riley) finds himself smitten for the eldest Bennet daughter, Elizabeth (Lily James), the only daugther who doesn’t want to be tied down with marriage and give up her training. The 2 do not get on so easily and things are made complicated when Elizabeth is introduced to a solider, Mr Wickham (Jack Huston), who not only has an attraction for Elizabeth but also has a plan to coexist with fresh hordes of zombies who have yet to get their bloodlust for human brains, despite the reservations from others, including Mr Darcy. Who will Elizabeth giver her heart to; the Colonel with extreme prejudice or the solider with a sense of mystery about him? Will the people of England survive the zombie apocalypse?…”
So Hollywood, as stated earlier is on quite the zombie craze at the moment; what with ‘The Walking Dead’ TV series, ‘Night Of The Living Dead’, ‘Shaun Of The Dead’, ‘Zombieland’ etc just to name a few. Thats not to say zombies can be done wrong, just check my review of last years miss on the subject; ‘Scouts Guide To The Zombie Apocalypse‘. While this doesn’t suck as bad as that movie last year, this movie still wasn’t the brilliant coming of ideas i thought it might be, turning out a disorganised mess and not appealing to me personally. A lot of this no doubt has something to do with the fact I have not read or seen the original source material, ‘Pride And Prejudice’, like others may have. I have a sneaking suspicion this movie is more catered to those who have seen or read the ‘Pride And Prejudice’ then the average moviegoer going in blind, such as myself. But its not just this that factors in to this not working for me, other such things include the disorganised pacing and tone the movie carries throughout the movie, a case where sadly maybe the merging of such ideas like ‘Pride And Prejudice’with zombie horror isn’t a gurantee smooth project.
I also felt like some things in the movie we’re pointless (i.e. The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse. Yea, they were … crucial?), the zombies themselves not that interesting & been done and some characters just not that particularly memorable (namely the other 3 daughters not mentioned. Gee, i wonder why?). This all being said, some things that did work for me were the 2 main characters; Mr Darcy played by Sam Riley and Elizabeth Bennet played by Lily James. They are the movie’s main focus and by far are the most interesting characters in the movie (Lily James was gorgeous but I misook her for Daisy Ridley throughout the movie til i found out who the actress was. Compare the 2 people, they look like twins from another mother). And while i did criticque these ideas not gelling that well here, I still felt the idea itself was an interesting one and made for some cool visuals. Aside from that, unless you’re the hardest of core zombie fans or ‘Pride And Prejudice’ lovers, this movie may not work for you.
I do not want the wrong idea given here though despite my personal feelings towards it. There are some cool scenes here n there and i’m truly happy for any and all people who find it interesting or a good flick. Compared to other shit movies i saw last year this could be considered compared to them a high art flick, jus saying. Though I do have to give a rating and from me sadly 19th century English fans, this is a 6.5 outta 10. But pray tell, do tell, what were your thouhts on this movie? Was this the perfect matching of zombies and aristocracy, or was this a mess like a grandpa zombie trying to eat mushed up human brains? Well if the coast is clear, please do feel free to let your guard down and post your thoughts, no matter what they may be, below or any place you can & see fit. This was Matt, i’d like to type longer but … *BANGING AT THE DOOR* … i think … *BANGING CONTINUES* … i have to baten down the hatches. Zombie problems, you know how it is. Stay safe your lordships and ladyships, don’t get eaten, or bitten… now where did i put that hammer …… *BANGING GETS LOUDER* … oh bugger …
Deadpool Movie Review
!!!Warning!!! The following review contains foul language and fourth wall-isms. If this is going to potentially offend all you lil princesses out there, you can just fuck the right off outta here. Everyone else, please read on you cool as fuck motherfuckers. !!Banzai!!
“He’s the merc with the mouth, the anti-hero of anti-heroes and his on a mission to get back at the people who have stole his girl and made him look like an avacado who hate fucked another older avacado. Be sure to be wearing the brown pants, were in for a mouthful … but in a good way …”
Why hello there all my lil fans and wannabe’s, I am the merc with the mouth you love to love, Deadpool, taking over from that hairy guy who gives you his review (i think his name was Matt or Cockgobbler. I get the two confused sometimes aye) and instead give you my review of my own movie; ‘Deadpool’. So am i awesome or am i just awesome? Yes I am, but lets find out just how motherfucking awesome I am. Cue the words & shit,,,
“So yeah, my movie is my origin story, well actually it’s a love story, hey now that i think about it its kind of a raunchy comed- i’m getting sidetracked here. Basically all you need to know is i once was a merc with a mouth (minus the awesome mask) and then i met this totally hot girl who i fucked a lot … oh and fell in love with. But turns out its kinda hard to be in love with someone, not to mention fuck someone, when you got end stage cancer all over inside your body. Yeah that fucking sucked. Anywho, this creepy guy then offered me a chance to be a fucking superhero, and i was like “Pfffttt NAH. I ain’t gonna be no superhero, i’m not going to be some Green Lantern” (pat on the ass if you got that one you clever devils you). But then i decided to do it for my girl, cause you know i like love her and shit, but then its turns out this shitturd named Francis had no intention of making me a superhero but instead a super slave and unfuckable. So there i was, alive and unfuckable and as we all know, that shit wasn’t gonna fly and i had to cross some naughty people off my naughty list. Cue high flying action hijinks, superhero poses, obligatory X-Men cameos (Colossus still hasn’t apologised for making me have to cut my own hand off, just saying … da bastard), a Hello Kitty bag full of guns and some chimi-fucking-chongas! All served with a bad ass, smart ass, great ass serving of who, oh yeah, ME, Deadpool. Boo fucking yeah motherfuckers…”
Sooo huh-huh-huh, does that interest you or does that interest you? I bet your saying “Well, Mr Pool thats all well and good but is the movie any good?”. Well to that i say “HEY!!! Bite your tongue. Of course its good”. Oh don’t take my word for it, go get a second opinion from ‘Rotten Tomatoes’, cause as we all know, Rotten Tomatoes is the most acurate place to get an opinion about something. But attacks on expired vegetables aside you have the Deadpool seal of approval that this is fucking A+++ entertainment for the whole family to enjoy … well, ok maybe leave Grandma at home for this one (she probably wouldn’t be able to handle my 10 ass anyway). Speaking of asses, i’d like to thank Mr Ryan ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Reynolds on turning in a good performance of yours truly this time around and not fucking it up by sewing his mouth shut, or wearing green (yeah, what was up with that RR). While i’d much rather have had a crack at the X-Man downunder (yet somehow came from Canada), Wolverine, Colossus was ok to hangout with, so long as his wide frame wasn’t taking up my screen time. His lil sidekick chick, NegaSonic Teenage Warhead had serious daddy issues but holy FUCK BALLS!!! was that a cool name. And how could i forget my buddy Weasel, my roomie Blind AI and of course my bae Vanessa (be ready for the fireworks later baby, daddy won’t be long home).
I suppose the only thing i can think of that was totally not cool was Francis Wansis and his boyfriend Angel Dust (though to be fair she scares the fuck outta me man), the haters. But hey, you can watch me stick a cap in their ass on the big screen (or computer screen for all you naughty people downloading me online. Careful, i pack Trojans). I’ve heard some naysayers say my movie lacks focus pacing wise and to them i say … oh look a spider. I feel like i was suppossed to be talking about something … meh, probably not important. So on a scale of ‘X-Men Origins: Wolverine’ to me, how does my cinema masterpiece hold up? Was there any doubt it was going to be awesome? I’m so bad i’d give myself 9 chimichongas outta 1 cause i’m that good. Seriously, i kicked ass and kissed a buttload of ass and yes, that makes me motherfucking awesome. I’d recommend go see me now and experience my happy ending but who the fuck are we kidding, you’ve no doubt already seen it and are still recovering from the awesomeness that is ,,, ME. So go check me out again and be sure to stay back you lil impatient assmunchers to catch my lil surprise gift for you, but you have to stay after the climax to find out what it is. So i guess i’m done here so i’ll quickly shoot off a few things; 1. See my movie, 2. See my movie, 3. Why are you still here? Go see my fucking sweet ass movie, 4. Colossus, your’e a lil boy scout bitch and you owe me a date with Rogue out of your X-Men, 5. Negasonic, your’e cool … ya shortass lil bitch and Vanessa, babe, be sure to keep the lotion & lube by the bedside table tonight, jus saying. This has been Deadpool and i’m touching myself tonight. Cue the exit music…….
…
… uhhhh, what just happened? I leave my computer for a mintue and theres a whole bunch of words and stuff? Hang on a sec moviegoers, im jus gonna quickly skim read throug- WHAT THE F***!!! DEADPOOL YOU LIL SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MattGivesYouHisReview.com 